Since I have not invited friends to my blog, nor have I mentioned to anyone at all, that I am, indeed "blogging," I think my nine minutes of writing might truly be considered my diary. And in considering this a diary or "private" writing, I began to think about secrets I have kept in my life.
I kept quiet about a few things for my older brother when we were both much younger.
And I suppose I kept secrets from certain people, but probably revealed them to others.
The only secret I know I have truly and totally kept is my personal mantra.
I initiated into transcendental meditation many, many years ago when my then boyfriend suggested it. We went to a small frame house that was very clean and spare and saw a video message from the maharishi and we attended a few other information sessions. We brought offerings of flowers and we wrote big fat checks. At least I remember it being a lot of money at the time. I was working as an advertising copywriter at Marshall Field and Company in Chicago and the job did not pay well.
At our last TM session, we went off into separate rooms and chanted with our teachers. At the end of the chanting, the teacher seemed to be handing off my mantra to me by repeating the same three syllables over and over, smiling and nodding to me to "take it and run with it." At least that's how it felt. I chanted away while my teacher beamed at me.
We were told that if we ever re-initiated anywhere, anytime, we would receive the same individual mantra. I could not figure out how they could guarantee this. Did they link it to our initials? No, we could change our names. Was it somehow connected to gender or physical features? Those things can change, too. Couldn't be that.
I finally decided that there must be only one mantra.
I can't test the theory, though, because I might have to reveal my mantra, tell my only secret. I could ask others to whisper their mantras in my ear, but they might only tell me if we promised to exchang mantras. And I can't do it. I no longer practice TM, but I have kept my mantra a secret.
I might have revealed it here, in this private space, but, alas, nine minutes is up.
Limits can save people from themselves.